do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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