drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
