what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Who died my cat blue again?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
