We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
