life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
two words...techno handjob
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
