if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
nutella sex= disaster
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
