I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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