the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
