Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
