god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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