margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
