wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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