Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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