I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
