Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize