BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
