Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
