The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
