we're chasing vodka with high fives
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
