I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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