remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize