He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
