I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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