So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
