The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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