How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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