I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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