so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
