does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
