So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
