First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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