At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
