whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
