Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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