he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
