I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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