I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
