I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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