i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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