I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
