I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
