only you would photoshop your dick
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
