dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
