He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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