doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there's paper in my vomit.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
