My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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