On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
