pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
