The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
