At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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