Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize