hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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