she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
