dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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