trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
even my farts smell like vagina
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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