Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
