Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
