did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
