hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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