I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize