Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
