She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
