tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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