Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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