Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
