Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
