what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you are never too drunk for berry picking
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
